very-funny

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found …

“Late again!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to Little Johnny. “It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!” Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little John…

Little Johnny had a foul mouth. His mother was at the end of her wit. Not knowing what to do, she went to the local Church to counsel with the Priest. “Father, my little boy is a darling but he has a wicked habit of saying nasty words. I don’t know where he learnt them but he says things that would make a sailor blush…

A little Johnny and a little Susie attended the same school and became friends.. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken…

Little Johnny and his girlfriend are on the phone. Little Johnny says “Hey, babe wanna get a bit naughty tonight,” Little Zoe says “Yeah, why not Johnny”. So little Johnny says “ok want to do it on Snapchat” and little Zoe says ” yeah sure why not,” So little Johnny says “Please don’t screenshot” Little Zoe replies …

When an old man died the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased during his funeral. “The man you see lying here today was a Godly man…Back in the day, he could come at church just to pray for his family. He could spare some time at least twice a week just to do some chores here at the c…

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: “If you are sleeping, send m…

An elderly prost!tutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: “Two ho0kers – $50.00.” A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the old ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail. Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it t…

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages. She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy callin…