very-funny

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, “Sir, I’m afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The…

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He k…

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after …

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You're the father o…

A woman wakes up, puts up the shade, takes the cover off the parrot’s cage, makes coffee, and smokes a cigarette. Suddenly the phone rings. It’s her boyfriend saying he’s coming over. She snubs out the cigarette, pulls down the shade, unplugs the coffee pot, puts the cover back on ... CONTINUE READING >

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife  of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and  great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls,  hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each  of them three times.” …

Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s dad said “that’s Mr.wiggles”. Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy’s mom said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s mom said “that’s my ga…

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer I'll smell it and order from there.” A little confused, the owner…

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that …

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase. After…

The Sunday School teacher was explaining the Christmas story to some small children: So he asked his class. “Where is Jesus today?” Steven raised his hand and said. “He’s in heaven.” Mary was called on and answered. “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out. “I know, I know! He’s in o…

Two man, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I d…

An 8 year old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him “Grandpa what is couple s*x?” The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to know to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tel…

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a few weeks of each other. But Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. So she made them all promise to send a postcard from their honeymoons with a few words on how marital procreation felt. The first girl sent a card from …