very-funny

My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.  Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.   She came home and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the …

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly…

A blonde and a brunette are spending a day off together at the local lake. Since they're alone, they decide to go skinny dipping and enjoy the beautiful weather. After frolicking around for 30 minutes or so, they decide they have had enough fun. Just as they emerge from the water, two buses pull up, parking righ…

A woman came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but thought, “What the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.” She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!” He said, “Great, tell me what you’re so hap…

An old man was sitting in a private box at a major football match with an empty seat next to him: A young enthusiast saw the empty seat and said to the old man. “Who on earth has paid for this expensive seat but not turned up! they must be mad, do you mind if I sit here?” The old man …

APARTMENT for RENT... So a businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for £500. They did their thing, and before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his Secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'…

A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his…