very-funny

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.   The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.   The wife said, ” Where are you, you know we have lots to do?!”   He said, “You remember the jeweler we went into about 10 years ago, …

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.  This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for the next 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new…

Mom confesses to her son about an affair she had. The boy realises his mom's husband isn't his biological father. Mother: Son I’m sorry my husband is not your dad. I had an affair 23 years ago with a man. And that person is your real father.” Son: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this? Mother: I am s…

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. “Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party…

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebel…

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.  When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied. "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."…

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was  conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it. When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:  "Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your u…

A beautiful blonde goes out with a bodybuilder. Things go well and by their 4th date, she wants to take it to the 'next level'.  They reach her apartment and, after a nice dinner, begin to kiss and take their clothes off. The blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!" He says, "100lbs of d…

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder.  So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two in the front and 3 in…

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about two miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to the next city to do a show that night and didn't want to be late…

A couple of old ladies were sitting on a patio and speaking to each other about their grandchildren.  "I send gifts, greeting cards and checks to my grandchildren," complains one, "and still they barely visit me!" The second old lady said "Oh  I too send checks to my grandchildren and they vis…

An 70-year-old married a 20-year-old. A year after the wedding the couple arrives at the delivery room. A male boy weighing 3.5 kg was born, healthy and beautiful. The nurse asks the old man "Yours?" "Yes," the old man replies proudly. "Congratulations," the nurse replies. "Well...&q…