very-funny

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, ’Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel…

Roof Bear .  A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. . So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers." He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes. . The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's…

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it  in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he  ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race…

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”   “After a considerable period of grieving,” he says, “I guess I would. We all need companionship.”   “If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”   “We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I…

An Irishman has been shipwrecked and stranded on an island for over 20 years.   One day, on his daily walk of the beach, he sees something way out in the ocean.  At first he couldn’t make out what it was, as it got closer, he could see something red.   Finally, it was close enough to determine that the red was actua…

Dorothy and Edna, two elderly widows, are talking.   Dorothy: “That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.  I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”   Edna: “Well, I’ll warn you about what happened last week!   He shows up at my apartment pun…

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fasc…