very-funny

Text message to neighbor: Hi, Fred, this is Hank, next door. I’ve got a confession to make. I’ve been  riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the  courage  to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text and I can’t  live with myself a minute longer without you knowing abo…

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel. When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, “I’m terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs.” Now, Al was …

“With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband Have you ever seen $20 all crumpled up?” “No”, said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar …

Mike was going to be married to Stephanie so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our h oneymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother,  and said,   ' Here - try these on'.' She did and said, 'These are too b…

One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried. Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bothering her.  Her new boyfriend had said something that she hadn’t quite…

An elderly couple and Porch An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and whaps her husband across the shins. "All right woman! What the hell was that for?" he yells. "That‘s for 60 years of bad sex." she replies. A few minutes later, the hus…

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone." Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the pharmaci…