very-funny

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some tosse…

A 93-year-old living in a senior living facility was forced out of the premises by cops for not paying her rent. Juanita Fitgerald was left shaken after being physically dragged out of the property. According to  WKMG Click Orlando , she did not pay rent for three months. Fitzgerald was reportedly told that she will…

A woman went to the doctor’s office and is seen by one of the new young doctors.   After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in…

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last …

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every …

A man walks into the front door of a bar, he is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and c…

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we…

A man and his wife are at a restaurant,  and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” sighs the husband. “She’s my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My God…

So, God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. God continued, “This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.”   “She…

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, t…

A poor boy was in love with a rich man’s daughter Overcome with his love for the girl, the boy proposed to her. However, the rich girl derisively rejected him and said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses How do you expect me to marry someone like you? I can never love you so forget about me Go f…

In a small town far away, a young man started his own business—a dime store at the corner of two streets He was a good man He was honest and friendly, and the people loved him. They bought his goods and they told their friends about him. His business grew and he expanded his store In a matter of years, he developed …

… the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife Tearfully she explained, “It's the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just…