very-funny

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife  of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and  great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls,  hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each  of them three times.” …

Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s dad said “that’s Mr.wiggles”. Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy’s mom said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s mom said “that’s my ga…

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer I'll smell it and order from there.” A little confused, the owner…

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that …

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase. After…

The Sunday School teacher was explaining the Christmas story to some small children: So he asked his class. “Where is Jesus today?” Steven raised his hand and said. “He’s in heaven.” Mary was called on and answered. “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out. “I know, I know! He’s in o…

Two man, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I d…

An 8 year old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him “Grandpa what is couple s*x?” The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to know to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tel…

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a few weeks of each other. But Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. So she made them all promise to send a postcard from their honeymoons with a few words on how marital procreation felt. The first girl sent a card from …

A man walks in his room after work and is  surprised to find his wife lying undressed on the  bed. After careful examination he spies a pair of bare  feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a undressed man  standing there. ‘Who the hell are you?’ he yells. The undressed guy repl…

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a  romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to  chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands  are freezing!” To that she replies “Well, come here and I’ll  warm them between my legs.” He goes out a couple o…

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to use the bathroom in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage. Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a go right there. W…

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in lovemaking. “Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very dangerous beast out there!” But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the coupl…

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says, “I’ve got a Rolls Royce – keep it until the loan is paid off – here are the keys.” Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, a…