very-funny

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. Suddenly, one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard a reply, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Then he tore off his clothes and ran …

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel... On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead from exhaustion. The nun and the priest surveyed their situation and after a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, Father. In fact, I…

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.  “I'm dead?  No, I can't be!  I've got too much to live for.  Send me back!” St Peter said, “Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged.  …

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1. to be shot 2. to be hung 3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death. So the German said, “Shoot me right in the head.” (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, “Just hang me.” (S…

The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile. The wife said, ” Where are you, you know we have lots to do?!” He said, “You remember the jewellers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford i…

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy…

A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters…

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, h…

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. “235,000 miles.” Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde’s friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whateve…

An 18 year old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says “who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!” The girl picks up t…

A guy asked a girl in the library. “Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl answered with a loud voice. “I don’t want to spend the night with you.” All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and told him. “…

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I…