very-funny

Mummy.” Asks Susie. “Why do you always cut the ends off of the sausages before you put them in the pan?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.” “Granny.” Ask Susie the next time her grandmother visited. “Why do you and Mummy cut the ends off of the sausages before you put them in …

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?” “Ten,” she replied. “What are their names?” he asked. “LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered. “They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them …

A salesman’s car breaks down, So he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, So he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow. Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then…

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After think…

After a wonderful night of lovemaking, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” he…

A man travels on a ship. Two days in, the ship encounters a storm and drowns. Hanging on weakly to a piece of the mast, he manages to survive and gets washed up on an unknown island. Only problem is, it’s so unknown that no ship ever comes near it. 10 years pass on the island, and the survivor has been alone all thi…

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’ He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of…

A small guy goes into an elevator and notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down on the small white guy and says, “Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds, twenty-inch weapon, three-pound left ball, three-pound right ball, Turner Brown.” The small guy faints! The big guy picks up the small guy…

One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence. So Janet raised her hand and said, “the sky is absolutely blue” The teacher said no, “it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors.” Another little boy raised his hand and said, “the leaves on the trees are absolutely green” The teacher s…

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t).   When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”   He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to rem…

Mrs Ravioli comes to visit her son Rocco for dinner; he lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Rocco’s roommate is. As the evening went on, MaMa watched the two interact and started to wonder if there was more between Rocco and his roommate t…

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fu…

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, “We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.” “Uh huh,” said the old man. “We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon,” said the old woman. “Uh huh,” said the o…

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down, waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.” She went over to the machine and put her nickel in and o…