very-funny

An old Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new “city” outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, “Yes ma’am. Ya see, I’m from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit.” Her eyes lit up as she asked, “Where would you like to start?…

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn’t know how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child’s book about where babies came from, …

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!! Everyone was curious and asked her: “why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?” The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daug…

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters! ‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest stud…

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact…

Donna arrived home from work early one day and found her husband, Glen, in bed with another woman. “That’s it!” she shouted, “I’m leaving and I’m not coming back!” “Wait honey,” Glen pleaded, “Can’t you at least let me explain?” “Fine, let’s hear your story,” Donna replied. “Well, I was driving home when I saw this po…

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with…

A young pure couple is finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither is willing to admit it or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father. “Pop, what do I do first?” “Get undressed and climb into bed,” his father replies. So, the young man does as he i…

A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A cashier is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am, I’m co…

Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.” She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom. Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts. She runs her whip over his flesh and, as …

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open…

As he walked up to old lady’s car he noticed there were 3 other elderly folks looking very frightened and rigid. He leaned down to the old lady’s window and noticed she was as calm as could be. “Do you know why I pulled you over, Ma’am?” “No, I do not,” she replied sweetly. “You were going 10mph on the highway that’s …

A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The pa…