very-funny

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and …

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak – the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…well here are the Testimonials of a few people who did…. First Testimony: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,…

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. Suddenly, one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard a reply, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Then he tore off his clothes and ran …

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel... On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead from exhaustion. The nun and the priest surveyed their situation and after a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, Father. In fact, I…

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep. He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.  “I'm dead?  No, I can't be!  I've got too much to live for.  Send me back!” St Peter said, “Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged.  …

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1. to be shot 2. to be hung 3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death. So the German said, “Shoot me right in the head.” (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, “Just hang me.” (S…

The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile. The wife said, ” Where are you, you know we have lots to do?!” He said, “You remember the jewellers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford i…

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy…

A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters…

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, h…