very-funny

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from hi…

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said: For cutting the grass: $5.00 For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00 For going to …

A new blonde hostess began her first day. The route they were flying required that they make a stop in another city for the night. Soon after their arrival the captain showed all the flight attendants to their rooms. The next morning the pilot was preparing everyone to leave, and he noticed his new flight attendant wa…

After going through the line at a crowded mall cafeteria, The three rambunctious teenage boys found they were forced to share a table with a kindly looking old lady. One of the lads decided to have a bit of fun at the woman’s expense and, nudging one of his buddies under the table, suddenly remarked, “Did your folks e…

Little Johnny is in his closet when he hears a noise. His mom comes in and starts having s*x with someone other than his dad. He hears a door slam and his mother say “Oh no, my husband his home! Quick! Hide in the closet.” The man get in the closet and little johnny says “Dark in here isn’t it?” The man is startled bu…

A woman meets an elderly man in a bar. They talk. They connect. they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds a…

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every …

An elderly man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose. “Why not?” asked the elderly man. “Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor. “But I need it really bad,” said the man. “Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor. The el…

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call asap, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block. He found the boy’s father going and coming in the hall waiting for the doctor. Once seeing him, the dad yelled: “Why did you take all this time to c…

I got chatting to a girl in a club. “Can I buy you a drink ?” I asked. “Have you not got a girlfriend ?” she replied, “Guys like you always have girlfriends.” “No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago,” I assured her. “Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please.” A few drinks l…

A man and his wife are driving down the road when they hit a baby skunk. “It’s still alive!” The wife exclaimed, looking back at the poor skunk. “Alright, I’ll just go back and hit it again, put it out of its misery,” the husband replied. “No don’t, it’s just a baby! We have to call the vet!” The husband waits patient…

was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot.” “What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter. “The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.” “Well, I guess that i…

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have lovemaking with him since he only had 24 hours to live. “Of course Darling,” she replied. And so they have lovemaking. Four hours later…