very-funny

On Little Johnny’s first day of school, The teacher asked Johnny what 10+10 is and he said he doesn’t know. So his teacher told him to go home and find out. After school, he went to ask his dad but he was fixing the car. Johnny: Daddy what is 10+10 dad: f*** off can’t you see I’m busy He went to ask his brother jake b…

Donna arrived home from work early one day and found her husband, Glen, in bed with another woman. “That’s it!” she shouted, “I’m leaving and I’m not coming back!” “Wait honey,” Glen pleaded, “Can’t you at least let me explain?” “Fine, let’s hear your story,” Donna replied. “Well, I was driving home when I saw this …

Two men are walking through the woods together and they come across an insanely huge h*le in the ground. The first man picks up a rock and tosses it into the h*le. The rock vanishes from sight, and neither guy could hear the rock hit the bottom. The second man decides to throw a huge log into the h*le. After a few s…

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that truck?!” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money?” demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me just fifteen…

One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, “If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle.” The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, “If you firmed these up we could…

A lady walks into a fancy jewelry store. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person…

A very tall man walks into a bar… and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. “What’s that for?” the lady questions.” Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, p…

After a while, One guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.” The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!” The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?” The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.” The first guy respon…

Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree. When one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and, I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.” “Really!   Like a newborn baby?” “…

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, “That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy” “Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?” “Viens a moi.” “Viens a moi? What the does that mean?” At this stage the store cler…