very-funny

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her undressed. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. “I can’t stand it anymore,” she told him. “Let’s play a g…

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweller he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring. The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something much more special.” The …

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.  The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.  "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read the menu.  Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there.  " A little …

A young man and woman got married. At the time of their marriage, the husband noticed his wife carried a decently sized metal box and shoved it up at the top of their closet. Curious as he was, the wife told him to never to look in it no matter what the circumstances. Over the years, he saw that metal box in the clo…

WIFE: Darling why are you home this early wearing such a Long face? HUSBAND: Had a terrible day, I lost all my colleagues today at work. WIFE: Blood of Jesus! What happened? HUSBAND: There was a Fire out break down the tunnel and everybody died! WIFE: What a pity! Darling, I thank God for keeping You Alive. How did …

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school…

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call as soon as possible, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block. He found the boy’s father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor. On seeing him, the dad yelled: “Why did you take all this time t…

An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop. They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 francs. In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 francs. Th…

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who …

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. S…

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then y…

Sue phones her husband at work, “Dan, do you have time for a chat?” “Sorry, darling, this is not a good time – I’m about to go into a board meeting.” “But this won’t take long,” Sue says, “I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news.” “I really haven’t the time,” says Dan, “so just quickly tell me the g…

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of th…