very-funny

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call as soon as possible, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block. He found the boy’s father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor. On seeing him, the dad yelled: “Why did you take all this time t…

An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop. They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 francs. In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 francs. Th…

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who …

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. S…

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: “Then y…

Sue phones her husband at work, “Dan, do you have time for a chat?” “Sorry, darling, this is not a good time – I’m about to go into a board meeting.” “But this won’t take long,” Sue says, “I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news.” “I really haven’t the time,” says Dan, “so just quickly tell me the g…

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of th…

One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from. “Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything an…

An elderly gentleman was in the kitchen and had taken down the wall clock, placing it on the floor in front of him. Then he turned on the kitchen radio tuning in to a Hip-Hop station. He then started gyrating and jumping and tapping the face of the clock with his foot in time with the music. His wife suddenly walked i…

Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says “I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here”. The second baby says “I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here”. And the last baby says “I wan…

A wife asked her husband to drop her off at a friend’s house, where a wedding reception was taking place. He responded that he would be too busy throughout the day in the office, and gave her some money to take a taxi. He left for the office. The wife took a Taxi to the wedding reception, there she met a fine Girl a…

A super hot woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?” “No,” she replied. “As a matter of fact I gave it to myself.   It represents the…

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?” She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” Everyone in the bar turns to stare at th…

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.” The Little Jo…

A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says, “Quick! Give me a pint of lager!” No sooner does he finish that drink, he orders a whisky and slams it down. As fast as the bartender is pouring the drinks, the man is knocking them back, one after the other. The bartender says, “Are you okay buddy? What’s brought this on?” The man r…