very-funny

One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from. “Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left,” said the 12-year-old. We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked us not to reveal anything an…

An elderly gentleman was in the kitchen and had taken down the wall clock, placing it on the floor in front of him. Then he turned on the kitchen radio tuning in to a Hip-Hop station. He then started gyrating and jumping and tapping the face of the clock with his foot in time with the music. His wife suddenly walked i…

Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says “I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here”. The second baby says “I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here”. And the last baby says “I wan…

A wife asked her husband to drop her off at a friend’s house, where a wedding reception was taking place. He responded that he would be too busy throughout the day in the office, and gave her some money to take a taxi. He left for the office. The wife took a Taxi to the wedding reception, there she met a fine Girl a…

A super hot woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?” “No,” she replied. “As a matter of fact I gave it to myself.   It represents the…

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?” She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” Everyone in the bar turns to stare at th…

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.” The Little Jo…

A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says, “Quick! Give me a pint of lager!” No sooner does he finish that drink, he orders a whisky and slams it down. As fast as the bartender is pouring the drinks, the man is knocking them back, one after the other. The bartender says, “Are you okay buddy? What’s brought this on?” The man r…

The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband… “Buy me a surprise for my birthday!” she said. “Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!” Happy and excited she was counting …

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, “There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various  hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a sm…

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor. “In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly. The nurse says, “Well no, but I’ve seen the naked human body before. ”The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked body.” “Of course, I won’t laugh.”, said t…

His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye Grandpa” The father asked, “Why did you say good bye Grandpa?” The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.” The next morning, the family receive…