very-funny

A super hot woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?” “No,” she replied. “As a matter of fact I gave it to myself.   It represents the…

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, “Er… excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?” She responds in a loud voice : “NO, I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” Everyone in the bar turns to stare at th…

Little Johnny had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.” The Little Jo…

A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says, “Quick! Give me a pint of lager!” No sooner does he finish that drink, he orders a whisky and slams it down. As fast as the bartender is pouring the drinks, the man is knocking them back, one after the other. The bartender says, “Are you okay buddy? What’s brought this on?” The man r…

The wife was very unhappy with her old car and complained a lot to her husband: Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband… “Buy me a surprise for my birthday!” she said. “Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!” Happy and excited she was counting …

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, “There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various  hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a sm…

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor. “In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly. The nurse says, “Well no, but I’ve seen the naked human body before. ”The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked body.” “Of course, I won’t laugh.”, said t…

His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Good bye Grandpa” The father asked, “Why did you say good bye Grandpa?” The little girl said “I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.” The next morning, the family receive…

A little boy hears the word wh****rehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies: “Well, uh… you go there to… have a good time.” The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too, but his father insists that he`s too young. Saturday night his dad and a …

A man became sick. He consulted many multi-facility hospitals. Still couldn’t get cured. He was sad. Then his wife advised, “why don’t you consult a veterinary doctor?” He was shocked. He screamed at her are you mad… She spoke softly nothing happened to me… It is you have a problem. You wake up early in the morning …

Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, “And what do we have here, a little snake?…

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask y…