very-funny

A man travels on a ship. Two days in, the ship encounters a storm and drowns. Hanging on weakly to a piece of the mast, he manages to survive and gets washed up on an unknown island. Only problem is, it’s so unknown that no ship ever comes near it. 10 years pass on the island, and the survivor has been alone all thi…

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask y…

Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, “And what do we have here, a little snake?…

Mummy.” Asks Susie. “Why do you always cut the ends off of the sausages before you put them in the pan?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.” “Granny.” Ask Susie the next time her grandmother visited. “Why do you and Mummy cut the ends off of the sausages before you put them in …

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?” “Ten,” she replied. “What are their names?” he asked. “LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered. “They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them …

A salesman’s car breaks down, So he asks a farmer to let him spend the night, and the farmer agrees. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, So he decides to go to the barn and get some milk from a cow. Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. He then…

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After think…

After a wonderful night of lovemaking, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” he…

A man travels on a ship. Two days in, the ship encounters a storm and drowns. Hanging on weakly to a piece of the mast, he manages to survive and gets washed up on an unknown island. Only problem is, it’s so unknown that no ship ever comes near it. 10 years pass on the island, and the survivor has been alone all thi…

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’ He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of…

A small guy goes into an elevator and notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down on the small white guy and says, “Seven foot tall, three hundred fifty pounds, twenty-inch weapon, three-pound left ball, three-pound right ball, Turner Brown.” The small guy faints! The big guy picks up the small guy…

One day a teacher was asking her class to use absolutely in a sentence. So Janet raised her hand and said, “the sky is absolutely blue” The teacher said no, “it is not, sometimes is black or has different colors.” Another little boy raised his hand and said, “the leaves on the trees are absolutely green” The teacher s…