very-funny

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the…

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Fr…

A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really looking rough. The doc says, “What happened?” The woman replies, “Every time my husband goes out and gets drunk on beer he beats me when he gets home.” The doc thinks for a minute and says, “I have a remedy for that. The next time your husband comes home drunk …

The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her: “When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy. The second brother married a woman from Dallas, and said to her: “When I get back from…

An elderly lady was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in…

An old Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new “city” outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, “Yes ma’am. Ya see, I’m from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit.” Her eyes lit up as she asked, “Where would you like to start?…

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn’t know how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child’s book about where babies came from, …

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!! Everyone was curious and asked her: “why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?” The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: “Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daug…

A girl tells her mother after school ‘Mum, I got a gold star today for reciting the whole alphabet! The rest of my class only knows 3 or 4 letters! ‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’ After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest stud…

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact…

Donna arrived home from work early one day and found her husband, Glen, in bed with another woman. “That’s it!” she shouted, “I’m leaving and I’m not coming back!” “Wait honey,” Glen pleaded, “Can’t you at least let me explain?” “Fine, let’s hear your story,” Donna replied. “Well, I was driving home when I saw this po…

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with…

A young pure couple is finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither is willing to admit it or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father. “Pop, what do I do first?” “Get undressed and climb into bed,” his father replies. So, the young man does as he i…

A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A cashier is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am, I’m co…