very-funny

Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.” She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom. Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts. She runs her whip over his flesh and, as …

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open…

As he walked up to old lady’s car he noticed there were 3 other elderly folks looking very frightened and rigid. He leaned down to the old lady’s window and noticed she was as calm as could be. “Do you know why I pulled you over, Ma’am?” “No, I do not,” she replied sweetly. “You were going 10mph on the highway that’s …

A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The pa…

Four older women are sitting around playing Bridge. The first lady says, “You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don’t worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long.” The second Lady says, …

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a mom…

Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, “I don’t like chicken soup, bring something else.” The hospital worker said, “It’s good for you, the doctor said you should have it.” Regardless, the Joe refused to eat it. That night, a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach …

There was an old man who was admitted in a hospital. A young man would visit him every day, and sit with him for more than one hour. He would help him eat his food, and take his shower. He would then take him walking in the garden of the hospital. After that he would bring him back to his room and help him to lie do…

While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first? Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it’s your hands.” “Why do you think it’s your hands, Suzy?” said Sister. Suzie replied…

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it. The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, “I spent the …