very-funny

Two man, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I d…

An 8 year old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him “Grandpa what is couple s*x?” The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to know to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tel…

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a few weeks of each other. But Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. So she made them all promise to send a postcard from their honeymoons with a few words on how marital procreation felt. The first girl sent a card from …

A man walks in his room after work and is  surprised to find his wife lying undressed on the  bed. After careful examination he spies a pair of bare  feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a undressed man  standing there. ‘Who the hell are you?’ he yells. The undressed guy repl…

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a  romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to  chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands  are freezing!” To that she replies “Well, come here and I’ll  warm them between my legs.” He goes out a couple o…

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to use the bathroom in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage. Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a go right there. W…

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in lovemaking. “Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very dangerous beast out there!” But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the coupl…

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says, “I’ve got a Rolls Royce – keep it until the loan is paid off – here are the keys.” Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, a…

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. “Very good Sally,” the teacher replies. Next …

“Doctor, I need your help,” the woman says. “What seems to be the problem?” “My husband just doesn’t satisfy me loving. What can I do?” “Hmmm. That’s a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?” “Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn’t enough for me. You’ve got to help me!” “Er … Why don’t you take a lover?” …

Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone. “Okay,” says the first, “I’ve never told anybody I’m a gay!” The second confesses, “I’m having an affair with my boss’s wife.” The third, Moishe, begins ... CONT…

A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, “Daddy, there’s a monster in your bedroom.” “There’s a what?” “A monster. And he’s hidden in mummy’s wardrobe.” So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried ... CONTINUE REA…

Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow,” the leader gushed, “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, …

A woman walked outside a doctor’s cabin after recently being diagnosed with cancer. She was grieved but tried to compose herself in front of her daughter, who was waiting for her outside. She broke the news to her daughter by saying, “We women celebrate every news, whether good or bad. I hate to break it to you, but I…