very-funny

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. “Very good Sally,” the teacher replies. Next …

“Doctor, I need your help,” the woman says. “What seems to be the problem?” “My husband just doesn’t satisfy me loving. What can I do?” “Hmmm. That’s a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?” “Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn’t enough for me. You’ve got to help me!” “Er … Why don’t you take a lover?” …

Three friends were at the bar talking, and after many rounds of beer, one of them suggests that everyone admits something they have never admitted to anyone. “Okay,” says the first, “I’ve never told anybody I’m a gay!” The second confesses, “I’m having an affair with my boss’s wife.” The third, Moishe, begins ... CONT…

A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, “Daddy, there’s a monster in your bedroom.” “There’s a what?” “A monster. And he’s hidden in mummy’s wardrobe.” So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried ... CONTINUE REA…

Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow,” the leader gushed, “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, …

A woman walked outside a doctor’s cabin after recently being diagnosed with cancer. She was grieved but tried to compose herself in front of her daughter, who was waiting for her outside. She broke the news to her daughter by saying, “We women celebrate every news, whether good or bad. I hate to break it to you, but I…

A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those Headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.” “No more headaches?” The husband asks, “What happened?” His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,… “I do not Ha…

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven. The burglar…

A couple were sitting in the lawyer’s office working on their will. The lawyer tells them that they should discuss end of life issues how they want to be treated. The man turns to his wife and says: “Please promise me that if I am ever dependent only on machines and bottled fluids to keep me alive, you will take actio…

Johnny decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So, they loaded up Johnny’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. “I realize it’s terrible wea…

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they’re trying to one-up each other. The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. The second one says…

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There’s hundreds of them, fluffy toys…

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. “What’s wrong?” The depressed one replied, “I’ve been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away.” The other lady asked, “What did they used to do?” The depressed lady replied, “Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a m…

A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a supermarket. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticised everything and everyone throughout the process. When she appeared before the judge, the judge aske…

A magician is working on a Cruise Ship… With him, he has a parrot to spice up his routine. Sadly, the parrot has the habit of ruining his show. Whenever the magician makes something disappear, the parrot announces: “Saw it! You palmed it and hid it up to your sleeve!” When he does a card trick, the parrot says: “Saw …