very-funny

A pregnant lady expecting triplets is tragically shot during a bank robbery. She was shot 3 times in the belly, and 1 bullet hit each of the 3 baby boys. Miraculously, they all survived! One day about 14 years later, one of her boys came crying to her saying “mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out”. Then she sat him …

Little Johnny was a seven year old boy. He was naughty, funny and very mischievous. One day, his mom was unwell and he was looked after by his daddy. Little Johnny’s daddy asked him to go to bed as it was close to 9.30 pm. Little Johnny went to his room. His daddy was watching television in the living room. It was 9.4…

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes d…

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer who was also a blonde. IThe Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied It’s squar…

A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas.   His mother said she didn’t have enough money to buy him a new bike but suggested that if he wrote to Jesus promising to be a good boy in the future, then maybe Jesus might be willing to get him one.   So the boy started writing out a letter. ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be g…

A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and Dad doing?” The mother replies, “Well you know y…

A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.” The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her. A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, “Barfender, I’d like a marhini for my heartburn.” He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway…

Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends. “It’s funny,” says Samantha, “Peter’s balls are always cold as ice when I’m giving him a blowjob!” “You know what?” replies Jenny, “It’s exactly the same with my Richard!” They turn to the third blonde and ask: “When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, also?” “Ugh! Tha…

There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty. The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologised to her her cleavage would increase by one size. So the girl is walking down the street and someone bumps into her and s…

An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?”     countered the doctor. “Well it’s qui…

A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor “Jim, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sin…

A husband leans over and asks his wife “do you remember the first time we had make love together over fifty years ago?” “We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” “Yes”, she says, “I remember it well.” OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again…

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn’t panic, however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her: “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow-plow to come by, and follow it.” Sure enough, pretty soon a snow-plow came by, and she started to follow it. It was a diffic…

A young woman brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancé to his study for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man. “I am a bible scholar.” he replies. “A bible scholar? Hmmm,” the father s…

A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed, puffing and panting. “What are you doing?” the man inquires. “Err,” she stammers back. “I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!” “Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an ambulance!” He runs downstairs, picks up t…