very-funny

A husband was sitting on the sofa one afternoon when his wife came up behind him and whacked him on the head. The husband asked ‘What the hell was that for?’ The wife replied ‘That’s for the slip of paper in your pocket with the name Laura Lou on it!’ ‘Don’t worry’, said the husband, that’s just the name of a racehors…

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, ki**** her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s …

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “Boeing! Boeing!! Boeing!!!” She forgets where she is, eve…

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others. “The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior. After heari…

A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!” “Oh,” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.” The wife say…

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, th…

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just …

70 year-old Mrs Potts went to the doctor for her annual check up. He told her she needed more activity and recommended make love three times a week. She said to the doctor, “Please, tell my husband.” The doctor went out to the waiting room and told Mr Potts that his wife needed to have lovemaking three times a week. T…

An old Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked….except for his boots. “Where your clothes at, Slim?”, ask the one man Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. …

On a busy street in New York City, a man hustles across an intersection and is just about makes it to the other side when he’s hit by a bus. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers around. “A priest somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. “A priest, please!” repeats the dying man. Then out of the crowd st…

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did…

A little girl and a little boy are sitting in the sand pit. They are showing their private parts. They both ask each other ”what is it?” They both replied ”I don’t know?” so that same day when the boy went home he asked his dad what it was his dad said ”It’s a red farahri you can park it in any pink garage.” The girl …

They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie. Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a very seductive ton…

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?” The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. T…

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice everyday.   Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.   He wants those shoes so much… it’s all he can think about.   After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.   Every Friday ni…