very-funny

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just …

70 year-old Mrs Potts went to the doctor for her annual check up. He told her she needed more activity and recommended make love three times a week. She said to the doctor, “Please, tell my husband.” The doctor went out to the waiting room and told Mr Potts that his wife needed to have lovemaking three times a week. T…

An old Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked….except for his boots. “Where your clothes at, Slim?”, ask the one man Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. …

On a busy street in New York City, a man hustles across an intersection and is just about makes it to the other side when he’s hit by a bus. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers around. “A priest somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. “A priest, please!” repeats the dying man. Then out of the crowd st…

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did…

A little girl and a little boy are sitting in the sand pit. They are showing their private parts. They both ask each other ”what is it?” They both replied ”I don’t know?” so that same day when the boy went home he asked his dad what it was his dad said ”It’s a red farahri you can park it in any pink garage.” The girl …

They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie. Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a very seductive ton…

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?” The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. T…

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice everyday.   Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.   He wants those shoes so much… it’s all he can think about.   After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.   Every Friday ni…

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife’s activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw…

A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His mother asked, “What was the question?” “Where’s Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re …

An old man walks into a jewelry store with a young blonde lady The clerk immediately thinks he is being taken advantage of due to the age difference. She says to the clerk “Show me an expensive ring.” The clerk looks over at the old man and he gives a head nod. The clerk pulls out a ring and tells her “this one is $50…

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For in…

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally, they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broa…