very-funny

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed. “He’s my old boyfriend.”   I understand he took to drinking right after we   split up those many years ago, …

They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day. When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor. “Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I’m terribly sorry but could I have another.” The waiter whips a fresh spoon out of his top pocket. “Here you a…

This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he’ll carry her groceries out to which he responds, “Sure lady”. They no sooner get out of the store and ...    They no sooner g…

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Va@ina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, &…

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3:30 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and …

A donkey was tied to a tree. A demon came and released it. The donkey entered the field of a farmer and began to eat everything. The farmer’s wife saw the donkey and was afraid that he would destroy the farm, took the rifle and killed him. The donkey’s owner saw the dead donkey, got angry and also took his rifle and…

An old couple died in a car crash and go to heaven. They had been in good health their entire lives due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter met them and took them to their mansion. As they looked everything over, the old man asked Peter how much the place w…

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the…

Little Johnny Fell In Love, so he asks his father. Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!” Father: “That’s a great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter” Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your moth…

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.” Oh, oh, aaaahhh,” he exclaims, “M…

The husband slices his tee shot into the trees. They find the ball resting behind an oak. The man is about to chip out onto the fairway when his wife, standing a few feet behind, stops him. “Honey, from here I can see the flag stick why not try to reach the green?” He takes a look, decides to take the shot, and pulls …

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50 foot motor-home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.”We’ve arranged for …

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.   He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $15,000 ring. The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something m…