very-funny

A donkey was tied to a tree. A demon came and released it. The donkey entered the field of a farmer and began to eat everything. The farmer’s wife saw the donkey and was afraid that he would destroy the farm, took the rifle and killed him. The donkey’s owner saw the dead donkey, got angry and also took his rifle and…

An old couple died in a car crash and go to heaven. They had been in good health their entire lives due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter met them and took them to their mansion. As they looked everything over, the old man asked Peter how much the place w…

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hide under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the…

Little Johnny Fell In Love, so he asks his father. Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!” Father: “That’s a great son. Who is she?” Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter” Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your moth…

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.” Oh, oh, aaaahhh,” he exclaims, “M…

The husband slices his tee shot into the trees. They find the ball resting behind an oak. The man is about to chip out onto the fairway when his wife, standing a few feet behind, stops him. “Honey, from here I can see the flag stick why not try to reach the green?” He takes a look, decides to take the shot, and pulls …

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. The couple produces photos of their 50 foot motor-home, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.”We’ve arranged for …

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.   He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $15,000 ring. The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something m…

A wife from Montana had an appointment with her doctor to ask for advice on how to treat her husband’s lack of sex drive. “Have you tried Viagra?” the doctor asked. “Not a chance,” the lady replied, “He doesn’t even take aspirin.” “Not a problem,” the doctor replied, “Just give him some Montana Viagra.” “What’s Mo…

A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those Headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.” “No more headaches?” The husband asks, “What happened?” His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,… “I do not Have a…

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles, looking at many things. After some time passes, the sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he brings a huge b…

A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, “Where were you the night of August 24th?” “Objection!” said the defense attorney. “Irrelevant!” “Oh, that’s okay,” said the blonde from the witness stand. “I don’t mind answering the question.” “I object!” …