very-funny

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.   So they did.  Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”   On the way to his office he regretted…

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’  Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revellers saw the nun, the room went dead silen…

A 67 year old woman walks into a drugstore.   There’s a lot of people in the store, and she goes to stand in line. After a while, it’s her turn at the counter. She asks, “Hi, do you sell extra large condoms?” The cashier says “Yes” and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by, and the pharmacist notices that…

A wife sent a message to her husband Wife sent a message to her husband: “Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you.” Husband:Who is Priscilla? Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message. Husband: But I’m with Priscilla right now, so which Priscilla are…

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he k…

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency… … looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers ar…

A little girl says to her mother: “Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around”… “Not now,” says Mummy. “Wait until Daddy gets home.” So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says “Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?” And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy s…

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing h…

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up.   After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly.   The passenger screamed, “Look at the window. There’s an old ghost’s face there!”   The driver sped up, but the old man’s face staye…

There is this girl, she is five. She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend she says, “you mother f*ck!ng @$$h0le!” Just then jill, that’s the little girl, interrupts them talking and blurts out, “Big Sis,what does @$$hole mean? The girl surprised by the question,says, BOYFRIEND! Oka…

Dolly wanted a new living room set but her husband kept saying. “No.” Every day she would ask him to please let her have the set. Every day he would say. “No.” One day he decided to end this discussion once and for all. When Dolly asked, he looked at her and said. “You can have that living room set you have been wan…

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. “What are those big bulges in your running s…

A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as he gets it home, the rooster fucks all the farmer’s 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the rooster screws all 150 hens again. The next day, the rooster fucks the ducks and the geese. Sadly, later that day, the farmer finds the rooster laying on the ground half-dead…

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always see…

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.   While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.   One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin…