very-funny

Dolly wanted a new living room set but her husband kept saying. “No.” Every day she would ask him to please let her have the set. Every day he would say. “No.” One day he decided to end this discussion once and for all. When Dolly asked, he looked at her and said. “You can have that living room set you have been wan…

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way. Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling. “What are those big bulges in your running s…

A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as he gets it home, the rooster fucks all the farmer’s 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the rooster screws all 150 hens again. The next day, the rooster fucks the ducks and the geese. Sadly, later that day, the farmer finds the rooster laying on the ground half-dead…

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always see…

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.   While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.   One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin…

Wife’s Diary: Tonight, I thought Tom was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long; and I was a little late for our date.   Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late; but he made no comment on it…

One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed. We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?” Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just…

“I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician,” his first friend said, taking a swig of his beer. “How's that?” his other friend asked. “Well, the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed, and they weren't mine.” The other men clapped him on his back and told him things would turn…

A milkman, who is dying in the hospital, is surrounded by his two sons, daughter, his wife and a nurse. He says: – To you, Peter, I leave the Beverly houses. – To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartments in the Los Angeles Plaza. – To you, Charlie, being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Cent…

An 89 year old man goes to the urologist “Doc,” he says, “I need a vasectomy.” “A vasectomy? Why in the world would you need a vasectomy at your age?” “Well doc, I just married a beautiful 22-year-old woman, and last night she told me she was pregnant! I can’t have more kids at my age!” The doc thought for a second a…

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment… The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. “What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him. “It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.” “How does it work?” The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound,…

On their first date, a man asked his companion if she’d like a drink with dinner.   “Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said.   Later, he offered her a cigarette.   “Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again.   On the drive home, he saw a motel.   Figuring he had nothing t…

Dave was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?” “We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “United!” exc…

A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard. He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it. He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able to help him. In desperation, the good reverend called the mayor and…

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You're the father of …