very-funny

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not r…

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob, and says, “You know what, I’m going to go to college!” He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. “Alri…

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He’s reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out. So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, “S…

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. He waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her, he found out she was working in a whore house. The guy says to the cabbie, “Wanna make a $100?” The cabbie says, “Sure, what do I have to do?” The guy replies that all the cabbie has t…

A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, “Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You …

An 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doctor said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” The man replied…

Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?” “No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing? Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called h…

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads “GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.” An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.” Chinese: “Nurse, b…

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only h…

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s this, honey?” the…

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. “Quiero calcetines,” said the man. “I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl. “No, no quiero trajes. Quiero cal…

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal…

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it’s.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That’s nice.” Boy: ‟Wa…

In a court trial in a small town in Nebraska… … the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.   He walked up to her and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?”   She answered, “Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley.  I’ve known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you’…

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him… … and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex.   “Tarzan not know sex.” he replied.   Jane explained to him what it was.   Tarzan said, “Ohhh…Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.”   Horrified, Jane said,…