very-funny

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. “Quiero calcetines,” said the man. “I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl. “No, no quiero trajes. Quiero cal…

The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal…

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it’s.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That’s nice.” Boy: ‟Wa…

In a court trial in a small town in Nebraska… … the prosecutor called his first witness, an elderly grandma, to the stand.   He walked up to her and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know who I am?”   She answered, “Of course I know who you are, Mr. Rawley.  I’ve known you since you were a little boy, and honestly, you’…

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him… … and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex.   “Tarzan not know sex.” he replied.   Jane explained to him what it was.   Tarzan said, “Ohhh…Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.”   Horrified, Jane said,…

A kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put his boots on. He had asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she was nearly out of breath. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on …

Monday morning in school and teacher is asking her class what they got up to over the weekend. Little Johnny puts his hand up, “Miss, Miss, I went to look on a farm Miss and I saw loads of animals.” The teacher replies, “Oh really Johnny, what animals did you see?” He answers, “There were chickens Miss, and sheep, t…

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. ' Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- yo…