very-funny

A kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put his boots on. He had asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn’t want to go on. When the second boot was on, she was nearly out of breath. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on …

Monday morning in school and teacher is asking her class what they got up to over the weekend. Little Johnny puts his hand up, “Miss, Miss, I went to look on a farm Miss and I saw loads of animals.” The teacher replies, “Oh really Johnny, what animals did you see?” He answers, “There were chickens Miss, and sheep, t…

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. ' Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- yo…

The town elders were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. A member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. Another suggested holding a raffle each time they held a meeting. Another suggested free food. In the end the elders agreed to the use of a hypnotist in addition to fre…

A mother and her teen daughter arrive at the doctor’s office. The doctor says, “Okay, what seems to be the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter Suzie. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.” The doctor gives Suzie a good examination, and then turns to the mother …