very-funny

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten.” The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you …

A young lad was tired of the farm life; so off he went and joined the Navy. His first cruise took him to the south pacific, whereupon stopping at some island he found himself a parrot, He took it back to the ship with him, and kept it aboard ship. After 20+ years he retired from the Navy, so of him and his parrot wen…

One of them says “We gotta get rid of these things. We’ll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They’re so dumb they won’t know a thing.” So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded. “Hey can you break a 15 dollar bill for me,” one of th…

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?” The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!” “That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?” “Becaus…

A man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?” His grand…

After retiring, Mr. Johnson moved into a condo near the ocean. Every morning, while he ate his breakfast, he would look out the window at the ocean. Almost every morning, Mr. Johnson saw a young man sitting on the dock, fishing. It didn't matter if the weather was good, so-so, or downright terrible. The fisherma…

Snoring like a bear The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess an…

A man was having a few in the local bar Long when he noticed a sailor sitting at the other end of the bar. The sailor had a completely normal physique except for one anomaly: his head was tiny, about the size of an orange. The man stared at the sailor in puzzlement, and after a few more drinks screwed up his courage…

A woman had a dog which was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbour’s male dog while they were away on holiday. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart: However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found…

Some friends and I went out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.   It seemed a little strange.   When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.   Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoo…

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.   The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”   The kid says, “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota.”   The boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow.  I’ll com…

This story comes from a Reddit user who was prompted by a question, “What things have you overheard that have broken your heart?” It might have been a heartbreaking question, but this woman’s actions are absolutely heartwarming. For my son’s 9th birthday I took my son and a handful of friends to the movies, then to …