very-funny

83 year old George was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in  the garage , which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door  to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the garage stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked “Is your garage d…

So, old Johnny goes into the car showroom and finds the car he wants to buy: Old Johnny asks the salesman not sell the particular model till the next day, since he wants to buy it on his birthday. The salesman gives his word. The next day Johnny goes back to the showroom only to find the car being sold to a gorgeous…

A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law’s house. She knocked on the door, there was no answer. She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law, lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was p…

A guy and his girlfriend are in the shower together when the doorbell rings.   The girl is just hopping out so she says, “I’ll get it”.  She goes to the door with just a towel around her. There’s a guy at the front door who looks at the half-naked beauty and says, “My name is Barry, I’ll give you $500 to drop the t…

A guy and his girlfriend are in the shower together when the doorbell rings.   The girl is just hopping out so she says, “I’ll get it”.  She goes to the door with just a towel around her. There’s a guy at the front door who looks at the half-naked beauty and says, “My name is Barry, I’ll give you $500 to drop the t…

A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water. The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade. They sat and talked for a while when suddenly a hen went running by with a rooster covered in a pair …

Carl and Suzanne had been married for almost 45 years.   Lovely couple, but Carl had this one bad habit that had always disgusted Suzanne.  Every morning, before getting out of bed, Carl would let out this thunderous, paint peeling fart.   Poor Suzanne would just cringe.  Over the years she had complained at Carl, ”…

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.  ‘Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave …

An attractive  young woman  on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor” “Of course child. What may I do for you” “Well, I bought my  mother  an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs  limits  and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there…

Three guys go in for a job interview.   The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:   “By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”   “Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”   “I’m sorry, says the …

I think I’m going to lose my drivers license…   The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:   Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”   Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”   Officer: “Okay, let’s do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway a…