A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered. She starts to tear up.

The husband continues solemnly, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15.”

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses… the words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'”

“I remember that too,” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.” 


A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"

The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"


She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"