I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That 
must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

 David Bissonette 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

 Sacha Gui

 try After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

 Hemant Joshi

 By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
 Socrates
 Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. 

Dumas 

The great question…. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?”
 Sigmund Freud 
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” 

Sam Kinison

 “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” 

James Holt McGavran 

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” 
Patrick Murray
 The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… Anonymous You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

 Henny Youngman 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle
 Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. Anonymous First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”