George was planning on going out with “The Boys”

 when his wife told him that he wasn’t leaving the 

house. George’s Wife: “The last time you went out 

with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on 

your shirt.” George: “But Honey, I promise that I wont

 drink a drop of alcohol all night!” So after begging his

 old lady for an hour,.. George got the OK the go out 

with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze.

 George met up with the guys at a local bar and 

proceeded to get shit-faced. After about 3 hours of 

guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt. 

George: “Shit! The old lady is going to throw my ass 

out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my 

new shirt!” Bill, George’s best pal, gave drunk ass 

George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble 

with the wife. Bill: “All you got to do is have a $20 bill 

in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, 

when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself,Just 

tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that 

he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned.” So, 

when drunk ass George walked into the house with 

money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the 

living room. Georges wife: “I knew that your drunk 

ass would spew bile and booze all over that new 

shirt!” George: “Honey, let me explain! This drunken 

fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to 

have it cleaned.” His wife snatched the money out of 

his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 

bills. George’s wife: “Is that so? Then where did the 

other 20 dollar bill come from?” 
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 George: “Oh, That’s from the guy who shit in my pants.”