very-funny

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversen*sitive woman. My name is Mike. Let me …

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in…

A construction worker was working on site at a monastery, renovating a bathroom. As he was tightening some screws, a pipe burst, drenching him in sewage. He was given permission to use the monastery’s shower and changing room.   However, he was specifically instructed to be careful, since most of the nuns were very …

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy. "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. …

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear …

A junior high school in South Louisiana was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick, and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Ev…

Way down in South Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. So he brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy and the doctor looked over at Boudreaux and said, "Hey, Boudreaux, you just had a son...and Boudreaux go…

The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club.   On the first Tee, she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway.   The doctor said, “Wow, I have never seen you play this well before!”   Marie says, “I took lessons.”   A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her ser…

My wife and I went to the auction in Paris Kentucky the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.   We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’   My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 t…

👵🏼 LITTLE OLD LADY IN COURT 👵🏼 Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Old Lady: I am 94 years old.  Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man…