very-funny

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, He asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, No. Johnny asks, Do you know what I think??…

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab…

A blond lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down…… The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blond, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the ne…

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn…

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back …

Juan comes up to the US / Mexican border on a bicycle…   …  with  two large bags over his shoulders.   The guard stops him and says,  “What’s in the bags?”   “Sand,” answered Juan.   The guard says,  “We’ll just see about that.  Get off the bike.”   The guard takes the  bags and rips them apart; he empties them out …

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and…